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Reply to "(For women): Do you feel like you've become invisible?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Slowly coming to terms with being almost 50. I'm in good shape and I'm told I look younger than I am, but when I look in the mirror I see someone who's getting older. Of course. Hollows under eyes, ever-so-slight sagging in the jawline.

I've been thinking a lot lately about whether I am becoming or will become "invisible." I've heard older women say that at some point in middle age, you become invisible, to men, at least: the cute waiter doesn't flirt with you anymore; no one goes out of their way to offer you a hand with your luggage; you walk into a cocktail party and men's eyes slide right past you, looking for someone younger and prettier.

It's funny, thinking about this makes me realize how accustomed I've become to [i]not[/i] being invisible, and how much I "use" being attractive, in all kinds of subtle ways. I don't mean to say I'm drop dead gorgeous or a huge flirt: I've never been either. But I suppose like most reasonably attractive women, I've always been aware that being an attractive woman helps me. I'm in a very male-dominated profession, so maybe this has been more true for me than it would be if I was in a different field. But I definitely "use" being attractive: I know I can charm men, and work hard to do so, not to sleep with them but just to ease all the normal professional interactions I have with them. I'm not sure I am expressing this well: it's just that I'm aware of charming many of the men I deal with, and in a way I almost never have to articulate, even to myself, the fact that I can do this feels like part of what enables me to function well in my profession.

And I guess I am scared of losing that. The prospect of perhaps losing that ability to charm -- and ability that is, I fear, linked to being attractive and not too "old" -- makes me realize how much I rely on it.

Does this make any sense? Do you feel like you become invisible after a certain age? If so, how have you handled it or come to terms with it?

(I know, I know, it's inner beauty that matters, and we just have to age gracefully and all that, and I swear I will try. But.)[/quote]

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