Reply to How to handle: ILs just let themselves in, unannounced

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[quote=Anonymous]I have an overall good relationship with my ILs. They are helpful, kind, and great with my kids. A little nosy, a little invasive, a little free with unsolicited advice, but believe me--I know I have it really good in this department.

Here's a tricky one.

They live about 4 hours away. They do have a key, which we gave them in case of emergency and to facilitate them taking care of our then-2.5yo when I was in the hospital for the birth of our second baby. They have only ever used the key with our knowledge--or so, I thought before today.

They were scheduled to come this evening (around dinner time). I decided to work from home to finish prepping the guest room and doing dinner prep during my lunch break.

At about 11:30, I heard a key in the door! It was them. My car was in the garage, they had no idea I was home, and they simply let themselves in without calling me or my husband (I quickly texted him and said, "Did you know they were coming early/let themselves in?" He quickly replied "No...that's weird.")

They were surprised to see me. I explained that I hadn't finished getting the room ready, etc. My MIL offered to put the sheets on the bed, etc. I said, no, no, I'll just do that now. Why don't you have a snack.

So now all that's done, I'm back working in the office. And...here they are!

I trust them, I like them, but I'm not comfortable with this. Have they been in my house without my knowledge before? I am just unsettled. That key was expressly given for emergencies and for the birth of my second child, and they apparently feel they can just use it on a whim, never mind the arrangements that we agreed upon--that they would arrive around 5 p.m. DH is even getting off work early to be home by 5. Kids are in daycare right now, and they hinted that they could go get them, but I said no, I'm working and I don't want the distraction.

Am I overreacting? How do we talk to them about this? I don't want to go overboard, but I am honestly upset, and honestly wondering if they've been here before without my knowledge. In the past, if they arrived early, they would go to Trader Joe's or to go get coffee or something. Or so they've told me. Ugh. I just don't like this.[/quote]

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