Reply to After saving marriage, how do you deal with other family members who bad-mouthed you

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[quote=Anonymous]This happened early in our marriage. Still happily married, 10 years later. (And the following does not apply in situations where there is abuse. This is for run-of-the-mill marriage problems.)

What needs to happen is that your spouse, not you, has to settle the issue with his family. He needs to remind them that marriages are complex and that he contributed to the problems you've been having. Then he needs to tell them that he's decided to make his marriage work and that they are either 100% behind it or out entirely. He needs to ask them, for his sake, to be friends of your marriage and to make protecting the commitment he's made to your marriage their goal too. Then he needs to tell you when they have agreed, so you hear this too.

Then you have to continue with them in the same spirit that you are continuing with your DH. Which is to say, cognizant that there has been a rift for which you are at least partially responsible. You take responsibility, and make amends, for your screw ups and you work hard to forgive your spouse and his family for theirs.

And you try to be happy. A certain amount of fake-it-till-you-make-it will be involved, but it will feel less fake over time (and quicker than you think).[/quote]

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