Reply to After saving marriage, how do you deal with other family members who bad-mouthed you

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dh and I have been in a bad place for some time, but I think we've made major progress the last couple of weeks, and we might be turning a corner and coming back together again.

The problem is, during our period of separation, members of his family said some pretty crappy things to me.  Everyone on my side knew to keep their mouths shut and be polite; after all, we have kids, and no matter what, we should each try to have a good relationship with each other's family.  People in his family, however, are more impulsive, quicker to judge, quicker to "expel" and take sides, etc.

It's making it harder for me to imagine getting back to where we used to be now that I know my in-laws are capable of making sweeping comments about my character,[b] and that he has been (and still is) more emotionally dependent on them than he is on me (like, I feel like he trusts them more than he trusts me, and they have said horrible things about me, so...)[/b]

Has anyone been there?  What do you do?[/quote]

Didn’t his emotional dependency on his parents contribute to the marriage issues?  Assuming it did, either he has made substantial progress in standing up for himself and you with his family or you have decided to accept (and ignore) because you want to keep the marriage together and there are more important issues at play.  Basically your in-laws were like this before but there veneer of civility glossing over how they really felt.  It may not even be about you personally but about control and their son not needing them anymore.

As for the rest of his family picking sides, I think my family would be polite if my DH and I separated but my sisters are a wild card and if they thought DH had been a huge ahole (think walking out,mistress/affair, or leaving me when I was in the hospital sick), they might say something.  In those scenarios it makes perfect sense that one side would be more upset than the other. [/quote]

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