Reply to If a parent has always complained to you

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "If a parent has always complained to you"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]about another family member, how do you deal with it?

My mom is a monumental martyr and had always complained to me about my dad, u[b]sually about how lazy or inconsiderate he was[/b]. It went on for years, right until his death. When I tell her no, I don't want to hear it, or get in the middle of her and dad, she'd whine about how she has no one to talk to and she needed the outlet. Suggestions of friends or therapists were soundly rebuffed (too shameful to let friends know and doesn't believe in therapists). Seeing how haggard she got running the household I felt guilty for completely refusing to be her sound board.

The downside, of course, is that she bent my ear to her side of the story and biased me in some regards against my dad. I got really resentful after he passed that she did a job on me and my perception of him. It took me a while to work through it and recognize it for what it really was.

Lately she's been complaining about [b]my brother, who lives across the country from us and who can be aloof at times[/b]. She can get really angry during some of her rants. I let her vent to me b/c I thought it's good for her mental health. [b]Her complaints are the usual "He's never calling me. So-and-so is always calling his mother but not my son. He doesn't care about me at all.[/b]" I usually try to deflect for him and defuse her anger. T[b]hen I tell my brother to please call her and he does. [/b]

I am truly tired of being her default mental health go-to person. I'm tired of having to manage her relationships. I feel sorry for her but know that she will not change. I've finally came to the realization that she's been using me all these years, knowing that I'd advocate for her and get the results she wanted. Distancing myself from her is not an option b/c she's pretty much dependent on me now.

What would you do?

Would the answer be different if I added that she's undergoing chemo?[/quote]

So, in your limited experience being age 0-18 while at home, was your father lazy and inconsiderate?
And is your "aloof" brother the same way?

I would stop babying my brother to communicate with the family, let him go. She needs to as well.  
If she now has cancer and is going through chemotherapy I hope she has a good friend or family member driving her to that each day. That is what my father did for my mother (BTW, my father is the opposite of lazy or inconsiderate, and I can give you 42 years of examples).  I would do that for one of my parents if I was local or could be local during that month of treatment.  A positive attitude and sense of being cared for during times of sickness can really make a difference.  Good luck and god bless. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics