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[quote=Anonymous]I've been struggling more and more with an issue in my marriage related to intimacy. I'm going to keep this non-explicit, as it is more about the relationship and less about sexual details. We've been married for ten years and have an adequate sex life in terms of frequency (usually 1-2 times a week) and physical satisfaction. This has gone through normal periods of waning due to having babies, sickness, etc. but has always bounced back. However, I just feel like there is a lack of passion and intimacy - meaning, things feel good and work well when we're actually in the act, but there is not much sexuality between us outside of the bedroom. I would love a suggestive whisper or text, positive comment on my appearance or body, etc. to stoke the fire, so to speak. Basically, I want to feel desired. We essentially have our routine - sex is almost exclusively on the weekends, after we hang out together after the kids are in bed, drink wine, order take out. It's just assumed it will happen, and sometimes we're tired and it's getting late so it almost feels like duty sex or just keeping things going. I would love greater frequency, more spontaneity, actually being pursued or feeling desirable in some way. Half the time I go upstairs to change for bed and he's fallen asleep on the couch, so I have to wake him up for us to have sex. It's really just quite frankly a turn off for me. I would love for him to be a bit more aggressive and dominant sexually (not in a weird S&M way), and just show a little more passion for me all around. I think he is very guarded and kind of shy about sexuality in general - we do have good sex but it's usually the same basic foreplay routine, one or two out of a handful of positions, and done. We both end up satisfied, but I would love to mix things up a bit. Nothing crazy, just trying something new every once in a while. He never talks about sex and has been very closed off when I've tried to get him to discuss fantasies, etc. We have never explored sexting, talking dirty, or anything of that nature, and I can't imagine he would be comfortable with any of that. We have never even showered together, and he doesn't seem interested.

Otherwise, our relationship is very good, we are great partners and I honestly love him very much. He's a wonderful husband and father, and we are both still physically attracted to each other. I'm just desperate for more intensity and passion in the sexual part of our relationship. I'm in my mid-thirties, we're done having kids, and I'm realizing I want to enjoy what's left of my prime years of sexuality with the man I love the most. I do find myself fantasizing about other men I see out in the world occasionally, which I have rarely done in the past, and I think it's due to the lack I'm feeling in our sex life. These are simply fantasies - I would never, ever go outside my marriage. I just have no idea how to discuss all this with DH in a way that won't hurt him or make him feel defensive or inadequate. Plus I feel kind of embarrassed to disucuss it myself. I don't know how to start the conversation. Any advice?[/quote]

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