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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I want to lean in to the feedback here - what would a non-martyr do in this situation (I grant that I'm probably not handling it the best)? Or what should I have done to prevent getting to this situation?

Re: plan for DC1 - if she weren't coming, my plan would be to maintain DC1's routine for the most part -ie  take her to daycare in the morning (though a little later than normal, since we won't need to rush out the door like we do when I'm going to the office) and let her be there most of the day. But my mom will ask that we keep her home so she can get more time with her, so my guess is we will probably end up somewhere in the middle.

To the point on pressure she may feel -  it is completely self imposed. Case in point - I mentioned to her a little while back that the help I could use was primarily for hanging out with DC1 and making her feel special vs baby care and getting up with the baby in the middle of the night (which she did here and there last time around), and she was immediately not on board, saying she wanted to do all of it -night time feedings, daytime babycare, and caring for DC1. She just doesn't recognize that she might be spreading herself too thin. I'm not planning to give her the option of night time feedings as the guestroom she will sleep in is in the basement, two floors below the baby, but I do expect that same attitude of "I can do all things, at all times" to be her downfall as it has been with past visits.[/quote]

Op, you realize none of these details have anything to do with her being sickly or prone to sickness?

My sense is you pile on with your worries.  Your mom has the tendency to try and do it all regardless of the reality, and you like to spin up worse case scenarios and control regardless of the actual reality.  Maybe it's a learned trait or maybe it's genetic, but you sound very similar to your mom.  She wants to feel useful.  Let her come.  Your DC1 can go late to preschool or picked up early to give her some quality time.  Your DC1 will appreciate the extra attention.[/quote]

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