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[quote=Anonymous]OP!  Do we have the same MIL?!  Our situations are incredible similar.

A few things:  My DH does all logistics communicating with her.  Pretty much 95% of it.  I only communicate with her socially (family group text, mainly pictures of our kids).

We limit how much we tell her about my family.  She just couldn't handle it.  She was seething with jealousy all the time that I even HAD a family who loved us.  The one thing that helped this was her having her OWN relationship with my kids.  It helped her feel less threatened that, yes, my three year old does love you!  Even though she wasn't interested in you as a 1 year old (because they don't like anyone but mom and dad!).

We don't LET her make us feel guilty.  Yes you have that choice!  We make our choices for our family, and if she wants to be upset about that, OH WELL!  She will skulk around on Xmas and then realize no one cares and will eventually come around.  Or not.  But then they only person whose Xmas she's ruined is her own.  I think she's slowly SLOWLY realizing this.  Maybe.  We had our best holiday season yet this past year with no meltdowns.  So that's a huge win.

But the key part is that DH and I are on the same side always.  100%.  I do my best to be loving and sensitive to her, because at her core, she does really love us (and our kids) very much.  She's just not terribly good with people skills.  I have to zoom out pretty far to remember this sometimes, but it is true.

Making peace with yourself and your actions, and knowing you're doing your best, is a huge step.  You sound like you're almost there.

GOOD LUCK![/quote]

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