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[quote=Anonymous]Looking for advice on how to best deploy the "help" coming my way with the arrival of #2.

I have one DC (2.5yo), and I'm due this month with #2. My illness-prone mom is coming to help for 2 weeks a few weeks after I deliver (lives across the country) - that's a shorter time I think than she would prefer, driven by me (more on that below). The crux of the problem is she has a tendency to get sick when she is with grandkids, in part because she has low inherent immunity (always has, driven by weak lungs) and in part because she doesn't know or heed her body's limitations. Between cooking nonstop, not hydrating, not washing hands frequently, and sharing food with my daughter who brings home germs from daycare, she just doesn't take good care of herself.  Then when she gets sick, she doesn't admit that she's sick and fights tooth and nail to take medicine and rest. Though I appreciate her desire to help, she ends up being a burden just as much as she helps, and at least this time around, I don't expect to actually need much help (freezer is stocked, DH and I know what we're doing, DC1 can go to full time daycare as needed). Thr last two times she has planned a visit to see DC, her plans have had to change because she overdid it  and got sick before or during her trip abd both times, DH and I have had to cancel plans to getaway.  The second time, I was also pregnant and working full time for part of her visit and honestly a little resentful that I was having to expend so much energy fighting with her to stay in bed and take medicine. It does not help that she is the quintessential martyr.

So she's planning to come in a few weeks, for a few weeks, but I'm worried that she will be sick when she comes or will get sick soon after. Last time she was here, when I told her to take my cold/flu medicine for her trip back, she actually responded by saying I should keep it in the house so that she could use it when she returned after the baby was born - implication being that she expects to get sick while she's here!!  I don't actually feel like I need her help - I mean a spare set of hands will be great and all, but the risk of her getting sick and getting me and the newborn sick (esp with the flu season this year) makes her whole trip a wash, but I'm not going to tell her not to come. In the absence of that, I'm wondering how to impress upon her two things:
1) if she is the slightest bit sick before her trip, she should not come
2) if she gets sick while she's here, she will absolutely be a burden - thus it's critical that she do everything she can to stay healthy. I know this sounds harsh but I am so tired of her taking zero responsibility for her health, and I feel like protecting a brand new newborn is a legit reason to be blunt with her on a long standing issue.
Any thoughts about how to walk this line?
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