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[quote=Anonymous]It appears that my sister has abruptly and without provocation cut ties with me.  She became outraged that the executor of our mother’s estate (inappropriately, probably) contacted her to pass messages to the rest of the family, and she has blamed...everyone involved, aside from herself, for this unwanted contact.  She responded with a series of scathing text messages to my sister and me and said that she was “done with” us.  It’s difficult to believe, but that’s all there is to it.

Background- she was hospitalized at 19 and diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  We are close in age but she is older and she made my childhood and adolescence difficult a lot of the time through intimidation, cold shoulder, etc.  Since adulthood and living far apart (she currently lives a 5 hour drive away) she has treated me much better, but I have witnessed her mistreatment of other family members, mostly passive aggressively.  She cut ties with my brother over something minor and didn’t speak with him for years until a chilly detente when my mother was terminally ill.

There’s a lot of complicated history there, and I don’t want to make this post unnecessarily long.  My conundrum is that even though I am reeling, and am angry enough to have no interest in talking to her any time soon, my kids adore her and have no idea yet of her mental illness. She is awesome with kids (who aren’t her own), and they think she is the funniest person who walks the earth. I’m troubled by the thought that they would be affected, and saddened, by her absence from their lives.  I would miss her, but not all the bad that comes with a close relationship with her.
 
There’s the side of me that wants to be understanding and forgiving and reach out to her, given that she has an illness that makes her life very difficult, and knowing that she is stubborn enough to potentially never apologize or even contact me again, but there’s another side that that finds her actions unacceptable and says that she needs to be the one to fix this.

I would love some words from others who have wrestled with similar relationships, and were/are similarly torn about what to do.  Is it just rollercoaster and acceptance of unacceptable behavior or nothing?  Thanks.[/quote]

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