Reply to Do you/did you have a child that you viewed as being mediocre?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Serious question and I know I will get reamed by the do-good/say-good crowd. But this is real talk from a mother in a private, anonymous setting.

Have you or did you ever view your child as mediocre? I ask because my 17 year old son is the laziest, sneakiest and at times not the brightest child in the world. He has some terrific qualities, but they are frequently overshadowed by his lazy, sneaky ways. He has low ambition and low energy and I am my wits end. I am naturally motivated and high energy, so relating to him is difficult. I've tried to motivate him, but nothing works.  I've taken him to get checked out and nothing comes back except it's just his personality. He is a mediocre student (11th grader)and I just worry about the future for him. He has been this way his entire life and no amount of up-talking/encouragement motivates him to be more.

He lived with my ex-husband for a while, but almost failed that year so I brought him out to live with me. He's doing better, but I declare mediocrity is his best. Are some people destined for mediocrity and if so should I just accept it and aide him in planning out a mediocre life?

Help me a paint a picture for what that life looks like and how to help him plan for it well enough where he can take care of himself once he is grown.[/quote]

I really think that boys don't mature as fast-- yes, a generalization, but my friends with daughters and sons say that, in absence of a learning issue, the girls have it together at earlier ages. What you're describing is poor executive functioning (a fancy way of saying unwillingness/inability to see the big picture). This can change, but it has to come from him. 
I think you need to put it out there-- you're not planning to support him his whole life. If he enjoys a nice life, he needs to work for it. Girls don't like lazy layabout guys, so there is the relationship aspect of this. At a tactics level, he needs to make a plan for the rest of his high school time, and what he wants to do afterward. If it's not college, it's a job or a trade school. [/quote]

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