Reply to Family asking for help, but they're just enablers. How to help them?

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[quote=Anonymous]My cousin lives with our grandparents and he is 24. He doesn't work and is not in school or any type of technical program. He fills his days with smoking cigarettes, watching tv, playing video games and running errands with grandparents. He has been with them since he was 17 and our grandma has taken him to several doctors for his "issues". He apparently has bipolar depression, anxiety, and is injured so he can't work. He gets a disability check and the household gets food stamps.

Basically, my grandma treats him like an infant. At one point in the last few years he had a seasonal job which he left after the holiday season, so he is clearly capable of working a basic retail job. I told him that if he wanted, I could help him with applications and such to see about finding another job maybe in some type of trade so he can get on a career path. Grandma wanted me to help him as well because she is concerned that he is going to become homeless once she and grandpa are gone (he is under the impression that he will get the house). So I helped him with applications and interviews, and he told me one interview went well. Turns out he never even went. Not only did he lie about going, our grandma covered for him and told me she thinks it went well. I'm pissed.

So she goes back and forth between wanting him to be more independent and saying "he's not mentally ready for a job yet". But both my grandparents have come to me and want me to help him get to be more independent so he won't be a bum when he's 45. He had a girlfriend for about 4 months and she was really sweet and smart. She was in college and about to graduate, she eventually left him because he won't grow up and he thinks that his $400/month disability check is enough to sustain them (he wanted to marry her).

My point is, how can I help my cousin to do this? My aunt (his mom) knows he needs to get up and get moving, but she doesn't like having that conversation with him. Does anyone have someone like this in your family? What finally made it "click" for them? Did it ever? [/quote]

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