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[quote=Anonymous]Married 5 years, DH developed anxiety/depression about a year ago. Marriage counselor told him flat out he needs to seek individual help. He refuses. He says that "he will never get better unless he overcomes this on his own blah blah." When it gets really bad, I will make it a deal breaker that he goes to get help or I walk. He will agree to go but then he'll have a good couple of days, and he will insist he doesn't need it. I actually did walk away once, and he begged me to come back after a couple of months. I insisted upon him getting help, which he agreed to. But again, he was "better" for a week or so, and said he didn't need it.

I know what I have to do. But it sucks so much because I just do not want to. It isn't fair that I have to leave the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life because he won't help himself. I just can't stop crying today because it feels like the person I knew has died, even though I still see glimpses of him sometimes. I shouldn't have come back after I left the first time. I should have known better but I just wanted to believe it would work so badly. I wanted that more than anything. I had hope and it just feels cruel now to have given into it. I thought I saw a change, but I was wrong. I feel like I'm letting everyone down and I feel like I'm letting myself down. I feel stupid for giving it a second chance, and I feel stupid for even getting married in the first place.

Everyone acts like it's so easy all the time, just to leave your spouse and just walk away. But I love this person and it feels impossible to leave that behind, even though I know I have to. I married him for a reason, and those reasons didn't change. But the person that he is when he is depressed is not that same person I chose. I hate that person. I hate the person it makes me. I hate that somehow I went wrong in life to end up here, a place where I never thought I would be. I guess nobody does. I just need to find the strength and courage somewhere to take that step. Because it's so much harder than it sounds. [/quote]

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