Reply to My mom can't cook- insistent on "helping" once dc2 arrives

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] The problem is still you. You were trying to talk your mother out of staying instead of telling her that her visit is too much for you and you are not OK with her being here for that long. Yes, it might hurt her feelings if you tell her that she needs to go home at the same time as your dad. It will also hurt her feelings if you lose your shit on her because she is around all the time being  unhelpful when you are tired and postpartum hormonal.  You already had issues with her during your previous maternity leave. You clearly have some unresolved issues about the way she raised you and her lack of maternal love. It is not kind to let her walk into a situation where she is not welcome and where you already resent her before she even arrives. Stand up for yourself and put some boundaries in place for everyone’s sake. [/quote]

OP here, I totally agree. Every time I talk with her I remind her of how challenging her visits were with dc1 and I tell her that I will not be in a good place, and that I have concerns about her staying so long. but how do I tell her to just not stay? How do you tell someone who desperately wants to be something that they are not that they won't fulfill this role? Honestly I'm already annoyed bc they had initially insisted on being here to make sure dc1 was taken care of when we went to the hospital, but gen for sons reason decided it didn't fit into their schedule - that was the only helpful thing I felt like they were contributing , but they decided to delay their trip for several days and we just are having to scramble to make sure dc1 will be in good hands. It's very typical of them, but I don't want to admonish them for living their lives.[/quote]

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