Reply to Here is what I want Siblings to understand about Supporting our Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not everyone is in your situation, exactly.  Sometimes the sibling is a family member who is sketchy, but wants control of the money - to end up with every penny - and they do everything (marginally legal and not) to do so.  Even if the family has little money, that kind of sibling is certain to sign everything over to themselves, to collect the social security, disability, and benefits from the ailing family member.  Not to mention the forged life insurance paid with the unsuspecting and ailing family member's money - the one used for the cheap cremation, instead of a proper burial congruent to the ailing family member's wishes. ("You couldn't spring for a basic casket and viewing with their $100k plus, really?"  "You don't know how terrified your parent is of fire?")

In your case, you have a full time job and children to raise.  In my friend's case, the sibling has neither a full time job, nor part time job, nor any children - but is still always "so stressed".  She is "so stressed" because she is drinking wine for breakfast (started well before the parents lived close), watches The Kardashians all day on her laptop, is addicted to plastic surgery, and has multiple self imposed psych issues, including eating disorders (plural).  The plastic surgery fund is from the money she stole from the family, each time a family member passes.  So not only does the family member not get proper care while they are alive, but were probably abused, and definitely robbed.  All so the sibling can have a new face, new stuff for their house, and new cars to drive.  That kind of sibling is despicable, lower than low, and never, ever happy.

In your case, if you are willing to be open, honest, fair and diplomatic with what your ailing family member needs, and are not greedy or with one or many ulterior motives (like the example above, sounds like you are not), try sending your siblings an email, outlining what you need, exactly.

You seem like in your situation, your heart is in the right place, OP.  It is extremely difficult when there is deception involved. It seems like your are not being deceptive, but might need to communicate more. [/quote]

What was your point in putting this story in this thread. How exactly are you helping? Did you even read the original post? [/quote]

Yes, but thanks for the snark - it added so much :sarcasm:.

Point being, OP - not everyone involved knows what is really happening.  People who have obligations don't always speak up, and people who don't have any obligations may be more willing to fabricate "how busy they are" (not).

If OP's family is the type to get along well, or at least communicate minimally, OP should be telling her siblings exactly what she needs.  In other words, spell out how the other siblings can help.  Otherwise, the sibling may think that she is the sibling who is (as an example of my friend above) is feigning to be "just so stressed" over nothing.  If you have been through it, you know.  But really PP, you should try to add something helpful.  [/quote]

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