Reply to Here is what I want Siblings to understand about Supporting our Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous]   I've posted recently about dealing with aging parents and being the adult child who lives closest. I get that some of those who don't live closer sometimes feel like they have to walk on eggshells and want to know what they can do to help. In my case it isn't about the physical help as much as it is about being treated like the hired help. However here is something I have tried to explain to my own siblings that I hope helps someone else out there. i am sl also wondering if my experience is unique or relatable.

You are dealing with someone who is the brunt of the aging parent's wrath. When mom decides the day of her doctor's appointment she isn't in the mood I still have to make sure she goes. When you call from afar or even visit she is on her bet behavior. When she deals with me she is way too comfortable lashing out.

Oh you say, get some hired help or have dad take some happy meds? Please, I beg you, try to convince them because if I do it it's another outburst.

What, mom told you she didn't like the doctor I found? Well this is the 4th doctor, all from top schools with top reviews. Please, why don't you find her one and take her there yourself. Maybe she'll feel comfortable enough to last out at you too.

You think dad should see this specialist 2 hours away? Wonderful. how is he supposed to get there? Are you coming to town to do it? Now you've put the idea in his head and he is literally obsessed and brings it up every.time.I.check.on.them.

Guess what? I have kids and a husband and a job. Do you think after getting verbally torn down by our parents I go home to a spa and can just relax? No, and to make matters worse, when i try to relax and take me time YOU call to tell me what else I should be doing. I don't answer. You call again and text and email. Then you wonder why I am so frustrated and say things like :"why don't you come to town and do it yourself." Sometimes siblings call for reassurance. While I might be able to play therapist with you about our aging parents if I had time to take care of myself more, I cannot do that for you. Please don't call me anxious and hysterical because it's so hard to see mom and dad aging when you visit. During that visit, they were on their best behavior with you, refused your help and then as soon you left all they did was complain about you, me, life, aches, liberals, anything.[/quote]

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