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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In all of the fighting and apologizing, did you guys actually discuss the source of your anger and resentment in a substantive way, or did the focus shift entirely to how you blew up at him?[/quote]

No, he gets defensive for the things I point out that I am angry and resentful about.  Then it shifts to me screwing up. [/quote]

Ah, so [b]he's using how you communicate your anger as a weapon against you to deflect any criticism of himsel[/b]f. Which is turn probably makes you anxious about raising things you're angry about, so instead of addressing them in the moment, you bottle it up until you can't tolerate it anymore and you blow up.

Yes, you have to own your part that bottling and exploding isn't a healthy way to communicate, but you shouldn't shoulder all of the blame for the dynamic. He has to see his part and be willing to work on that as well before you can make any meaningful progress on your marriage. Individual counseling is a good place to start working on this for yourself, and once you have your feet under you there, marriage counseling would be a good idea as well.[/quote]

Also, the reason you're continuing to feel angry and resentful is that none of the stuff that you feel angry/resentful about is even being acknowledged, let alone validated or addressed, so you're not getting any resolution to those issues. [b]That's not something you should beat yourself up about, it doesn't mean the problem is with you.[/b][/quote]

+1 
that's not really fair, is it? 
all of this is so good. [/quote]

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