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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sister has a lot of serious mental health issues, including alcoholism.  Six months ago she married someone over 30years older than her who also has alcohol issues.  It took me a while to accept their relationship, but I realize this was her decision and not for me to say who she marries.  However, she and her new husband keep pushing to spend time with my family.  I’m willing to see them on major holidays (whoever is hosting avoids serving alcohol), but now they are inviting us to their house for a visit.  I don’t feel at all comfortable going there with my kids.  They are already confused about my sister’s husband because he is so much older than her, but my real concern is drinking in front on my kids.  My husband and I have decided we will not go, but I need to figure out how to tell my sister in a way that is both kind and honest.  Directly addressing the alcohol issues with her just doesn’t work- she gets very defensive and angry.  Ideas on how I communicate this to her?

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It sounds like she's reaching out and really wants to spend time with you.  Perhaps phrase your response in a way that makes it more about your parenting choices, and doesn't directly put her on the defensive.  Such as, "I'd love to come over for dinner, but we don't drink alcohol in front of the kids."  Then suggest an alternative activity you could all do together that isn't likely to involve boozing.  Museums, the zoo, a movie, etc.  You could keep reaching out to her and extending the invitations so she feels that you care, and so you have more control over the venue.  Hopefully by spending more time together you can build a bridge, and she may become more receptive to your concerns.[/quote]

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