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[quote=Anonymous]Please come back and let us know: Does a visit mean staying overnight? How far away are they?

If they're nearby or an hour or so away, and you want to maintain a relationship:
Does your sister tend to be sober if she's out in public at midday, such as at a restaurant at brunch or lunch hours? If so--that might be something you can suggest, meeting for a midday meal at a family-friendly (as in, minimal to no alcohol) restaurant, then maybe (in better weather than right now) having a walk at a nearby park after lunch, maybe watching the kids play at the park. Then you and they go your separate ways. Neutral ground, focus is on the kids or an activity, it's easy to leave when you want. Repeat at different seasons as appropriate. Hit a craft show after lunch, or an early afternoon family movie, or a fall festival outdoors, etc.

If they are further away and want a visit where you stay with them--either say no or stay in a hotel and only one night. Dinner out rather than at their house.

If they're talking about a trip to see them, you could visit on your own but still stay in a hotel (claim you're a light sleeper or whatever). See what they're like in their own home. Still--I agree with you that having your kids in their home is a non-starter if you  have an issue with their possibly drinking in front of the kids or think they may be drunk or just too "loose" when you arrive.

Be warned: DCUM will preach here about how you probably drink in front of your kids so what's the harm if they see aunt drink; or how sister is family and family trumps absolutely everything and you're awful to keep the kids away from her; or how you're judging and that's awful too, etc.  OK, that's out if the way now. YOU know what you want for your kids and you know whether your gut says visits are a bad idea; go with your gut.

I did not mention the age difference with the husband because it is pretty irrelevant compared to two adults who are both alcoholics who have married and likely enable each others' sickness. Sadly, it IS a sickness, and your sister is likely to end up as the caregiver for her much older alcoholic husband sooner rather than later. That won't help her get better herself, either. I hope that you can be supportive as far as possible because she'll need that support, but it does not need to include you kids visiting them at their home.[/quote]

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