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[quote=Anonymous]We are undergoing a career transition in order to live closer to family. Our goal is to have a family support system that we can rely on and provide an extended family network to LO. Our options are:

1. Grandparent set 1: highly gregarious, creative, very interactive and highly affectionate. Accepting of who we are as people (ie knows we are not religious and won't try to interfere). BUT ignores who we are as parents (as in, they don't believe in naps or bedtimes so plan outings for LO when he should be sleeping, gave my 2 year old a motorized ride on tractor for Xmas despite the fact that we already told them no, ignores our preferences types of toys b/c our parenting philosophies are not a big deal to them and LO liking something is reason enough to gift it). They are also short tempered with each other, constant bickering and belittling of each other around LO (not of LO though). And, they are primary caretakers for an adult with mental health and substance abuse problems (i.e. if we lived near them, LO would constantly be exposed to normalization of drugs and alcohol abuse).

2. Grandparent set 2: loving and stable, but reserved and not so highly affectionate. We will never be able to have open conversations about our own belief sets (1 grandparent is a religious leader and they would be devastated to learn that we are not believers). They "obey" are parenting preferences but being that our LO is their 5th grandchild, our parenting choices are subtly criticized regularly. LO would have stability around this set but who we are as a nuclear family may be undermined. That said, LO would be around 4 cousins that would gladly take him under their wings (I would love him to be around more children he is related to) but their family is also very busy (homeschool and active church involvement) so we would either not likely be able to see them often or have to compromise our values and ignore our beliefs to do so.

3. Cousins: My cousin has 2 kids, 1 being LO's age. They have no other family living around them and really want us to live nearby. I know cousin and I would get on great and have mostly the same viewpoints but DH has spent very little time around them and doesn't know that he would get on well (with an emotionally charged difference in vax vs anti-vax viewpoints). Plus, LO has really never spent time with his 2nd cousins so I don't know what that dynamic would look like, though they would be available to him. I "think" they are stable, caring, creative, combine many of the bests of both sides of the family, but at this point in time our relationship with them is just remote. (Cousin & I text regularly but seldom actually have any other interaction). Also, cost of living is significantly higher where they are and they literally live on the opposite side of the country as grandparent set 2 (NC vs WA state).[/quote]

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