Reply to How much secrets/lying is tolerable in a relationship?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not the strip club that’s the problem. It’s that he feels the need to lie to you. It puts you in a Mother-teenage son dynamic. He has a dirty little secret and he doesn’t want to get in trouble with Mommy.

My friend had a DH who would lie about stupid stuff. (did you take out the trash, as they are going to bed, he says YES, only to discover that they missed trash Day because he didn’t take out the trash. Stupid because she’d soon discover he hadn’t done it. This is just one example of the many many little lies he’d tell) And because they were stupid, she let them go.

Turns out it was a sign about the dynamic they had, that she didn’t even realize. She thought they were partnter/teammates. He saw her as a parental figure that was always trying to punish him (she wasn’t). So the little lies turned into big lies. Which turned into cheating and leaving her and the kids.

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OP here.  This is very on point; our former therapist talked about this dynamic.  Any idea how to break out of this when DH is so resistant to telling the truth?  I have encouraged him again and again to tell me the truth and that I won't get angry whatever it is, even suggesting he go to a strip club next time they go out to prove my point that the lie is worse than the action.  It hasn't helped.  I definitely feel like I've been labeled as the parent even though I don't want to be one.[/quote]

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