Reply to Communication with 99% uninterested Co-parent

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[quote=Anonymous]I have a 10 year old by a man I was engaged to marry. We had issues before I got pregnant, and he became physically abusive shortly after my child was born. I finally saw the light and left him when my child was a year old. I never married him.

When we first separated, my ex was saw his child on a regular basis for about a year. We were cordial at that point with no communication issues between us. Then he went suddenly MIA for years. During this time he did not contact us at all, and I had no way to contact him or know where he was.

I tried reaching out to him on Facebook and through family members, to no avail. Finally, one day he called and asked to see his child, when my son was 5 years old. I agreed, and he started seeing him regularly again, and claimed he felt bad for the years he missed. He says he moved out of state for work during that time. That is no excuse for not communicating with me.

Up to this point, I had not once received any sort of financial support to help raise my child. I filed child support when my child was 4 yrs old, but  the courts were not able to locate and serve him court papers until my child was 8 yrs old, at which point I received an amount far larger than I ever imagined I would ever see from him. Apparently he made plenty of money, and just chose not to spend any on his child, despite my asking him for it. He was not happy with the child support order, and threatened to get full custody. He never went through on that threat. Shortly after the order was put in place 3 years ago, he once again suddenly stopped seeing my child on a regular basis.

Throughout all of this saga, I have remained cordial for my child's sake. I never bad mouth my ex to my child, despite my frustrations in dealing with my ex over the years. I have always extended the olive branch from day one and let him see his child whenever he wants, which isn't often.

At this point, he sees my child literally 3 or 4 times per year, briefly for maybe a few hours, never overnight, and doesn't ever talk to him on the phone, even though my child tries to call him. My ex ignores my calls and texts for the most part. I only reach out to either let him know of health or school updates regarding my child, or to ask when he plans to see his child again. He ignores pretty much everything. Over the years, his communication has become increasingly condescending, aggressive towards me, and in many cases completely disrespectful. Through it all, I held my tongue and focused on positive communication for the sake of my child.

I have reached a point where I'm ready to throw in the towel and say forget it. I am tired of being ignored and disrespected when he does respond. I can't force him to have a relationship with his own child. It breaks my heart to see my child not have a close relationship with his father, because he really looks up to his dad despite not seeing him often anymore.

What is the best way to proceed from here? Is it okay for me to just stop reaching out to him with the updates, and to stop trying to facilitate him spending time with his child? I feel I should just let it go, and help my child cope if and when the time comes that he realizes his dad doesn't give a sh*t about him. I'm tired of being the only doing all the work to help my ex have some sort of rship with the child he chose to create.

Any parents who have BTDT that can give me advice?[/quote]

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