Reply to She's pregnant - I'm freaking out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow. I fee horribly for this woman.

If you are in your mid-30s and know you don't want a family, grow up and get a vasectomy.

If you do want a family, and you "got along with her really well" and being a scardey-cat was what was keeping you from continuing things with this woman, realize your situation has changed and it's time to consider your options given your new reality. Assuming she continues the pregnancy, you are going to be a parent either way; do you want to do it alone half the time, do you want to abdicate your rights or be a half assed dad, or do you want to try and do it with someone you maybe loved?

[/quote]

Jesus calm down.  He didn't he knows he doesn't want a family, he said he broke up with a single mom because he realized he didn't want an "insta-family."  Is deciding step-parenting isn't right for you really the worst thing a person can do?

OP tell her you'll support her decision either way and then start thinking about what you want that to look like -- you say you got along really well and the stepkid was the reason you broke up, so think about whether the addition of a child of your own blood changes the calculus for you.  Maybe it doesn't, maybe you feel relief since the breakup and realize you weren't good together.  So plan to coparent and have serious discussions about what that will look like.  Maybe you don't mind the fact that she's already a mom so much now that you'll be a dad -- see if you want to try to get back together, if that's something either of you would want to try.  Realize that adding a newborn tests even strong, stable marriages, so this will not be easy.  But maybe it's what you want for your future -- to have your kid grow up with you in the house as well.

Neither of those outcomes is absolutely right or wrong, and both of you need to agree on the path forward.  If you believe it's your kid, don't push for a prenatal paternity test.  By the time the kid is born you'll probably have met with a lawyer to draw up custody/child support docs, and you can get a test when the baby is here as a condition.  That shouldn't be too controversial, especially if it's the lawyer's recommendation.[/quote]

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