Reply to How do I get DC to stop thinking about what mean frenemy has done

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find my children are receptive to examples from my own life. Telling them about similar situations, struggles and ultimate outcomes seem to resonate.  Any way to help them understand that they are not the only person to have gone through a given situation helps.[/quote]

This is what seems to work for us too.  I can always relate things my kids are going through to things I also went through at their age.  A few times, I've told my daughter about a frenemy or mean girl experience and she's been outraged on my behalf!   :wink:   It gets her thinking about what she'd want to say to the person who was mean to her own mom, and (hopefully) gives her the tools to use in her own situations.[/quote]

Thanks - OP here.  Just curious, has this worked in a situation that is chronic, same person every day saying and doing mean things, person who has supposedly been a "friend"?  I listen to it and sympathize and then say, ok lets move on to positive things, but I'm not sure she keeps focused on the positive things after I leave the room...I want her to feel like she can vent, but her tendency is to dwell and can't get off those thoughts.  I have told her something along the lines that she's giving this girl too much power by allowing her to dominate her time and energy, so let's think about things that make you happy...but I can tell it's not easy for her to turn off the thoughts and bad memories.  I'll try to tell my own stories...have done so on occasion but not sure I can come up with a past grievance every night (it's always bedtime when it comes up).[/quote]

PP here.  I'm not sure this is quite what you're asking, but my daughter's best friend does this to her a lot.  Not exactly "mean" things, but sort of undermining.  She'll say something like, "Larla, I can't believe you did that!  You're so dumb!" or make fun of her for mispronouncing something or getting a bad grade.  Or, when she's over at our house, she'll correct my daughter loudly enough so that I will hear her.  I think she thinks she's showing how smart she is compared to my daughter.  Either way, it's SO upsetting to my daughter, though she never shows it until after her friend has gone home.  I say they're "best friends" because they do so much together, but if my daughter had her way, she'd distance herself from this girl.  She can be nice and funny and sweet, but she can also say very cutting things.  I would love for DD to make a more loyal, true friend, but that hasn't happened yet.

What I tell DD is that this girl is actually jealous of her.  And I actually think she is.  I see her looking at DD with envy sometimes and I get the feeling that she tries to cut her down in order to make her feel better about herself and whatever her own insecurities are.  True hallmarks of a bully.  Just writing all this out is making me wish DD had a different "best friend."  :([/quote]

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