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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We recently went through this.  My husband discovered a previously unknown uncle who it appears was the product of a fling.

I'll have to admit he was fairly well received, but it's been a bit bumpy at times.

Here's what I would advise, don't contact them now, wait until after the New Year.

Don't expect much, there's a good chance they won't be interested, may not even believe your story.  It's definitely opening a can of worms.[/quote]

OP, this is good advice. Hit the pause button and reconsider in the new year. Don't contact them now, as the holidays are starting--holidays can be stressful even if things are positive and normal, and can be fraught with emotion for some people; adding sudden news of a previously unknown sibling from a possibly previously unknown affair could cause them to react very negatively. Waiting until a less emotionally weighted time of year could be better for you all.

Consider well what you do or don't want from contact. Do you want a relationship? Do you "just feel they should know" you exist and you won't mind if that's all that comes of it? Consider too that they might have no inkling of the affair and you would be telling them something they can't unlearn that they may not have wanted to know. I'm not saying don't contact but I'm saying consider all angles carefully. You will be altering their lives irrevocably. It could be for good, or not.[/quote]

Sure, that is why I left it here- to get some kind of general opinion. I actually decided not to at all. However, some of my friends disagree. I am aware that many people have notions of huge reunions and tears, etc. I think my friends think that will happen. Others think it is basic knowledge that everyone should be aware of. It is nothing romantic, in my view. Unlike my maternal side, who knew all about this adoption and was not at all surprised, this may be a wrecking ball into their perceptions of their family. I don't want to be the ugly messenger, and to be truthful- I am weary of being the living embodiment of a giant horrible inconvenience to all these families, who, btw, had nothing to do with what happened. They owe me nothing. I don't have issues- I am the regular  person living next door- not battling feelings of depression or addictions. I am fairly pragmatic*. I had a good life, and my parents were good adoptive parents. They are also gone....they knew nothing about my findings at any time.

*(I am more worried about politics now than this...LOL)

But, here is what is interesting. I was adopted, so these DNA services really just helped me get to what I wanted to know about who I was. The big thing I am seeing is that DNA is now blowing open millions of perceptions of families in the past. There were a lot of affairs..and men were able to keep all these secrets until now.

People are now learning that they are not related to their father, that someone else was their mother, etc., and that they have other half siblings all over. Maybe it is time for people to learn who they are. Keep in mind, I grew up a few miles away from a lot of siblings from both sides. What if I dated one? What about the future as we go ahead...future generations?

My friend recently learned that she has quite a bit of Ashkenazi DNA-and she thought she was African and Hispanic. She is now finding out amazing things...her story is far more fascinating than mine- and mine is kind of interesting.

But, yes, as I mentioned, I have no romantic notions of anything, and I am not expecting anything. I am not a young person, either. I guess this is the question: Do they have a right to know? I also may not be the only missing sibling, I'll bet.

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