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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Maybe on the affair.  I guess there are signs, but he was extremely broken up over the time he "almost" did (I have to trust him on this one).  It would've been a for sex thing as it was a young woman (a nanny!) he met traveling in Europe.   He was planning to meet her on one of his subsequent trips but she couldn't get away from her family and then I found out about it.  I even called her.   At the same time, I saw very flirty texts to another very young woman he met skiing who was coming to the DC area to live.

Needless to say I was very upset.  I pretty much said I am not sure I can stay married to you.  He was a wreck.  We did counseling and for awhile things seemed better.

I will say that what I remember most about this time was that he was putting me down a lot, for things that seemed really ridiculous.  Why is this such a sign of an affair?   I accept that it is, but I honestly thought he was so "scared" last time and remorseful that he wouldn't do this again.

I guess I could hire a PI?  What do people do?   I once asked him about a year ago, and he sort of laughed at me and said I was being ridiculous.  I do look at his phone but never have found anything in the last few years.   Sex life is infrequent.   [/quote]

Don’t hire a PI - that benefits no one. It doesn’t get anything more in a divorce. You are married to a disgusting man and you are messing up your kids. Staying is on you, lady.[/quote]

The thing is, he is not a "disgusting man"  and I am certainly not trying to mess up my kids!   In general I think he has a good heart and is a good person.  But when it comes to me, I guess not.   I am not making excuses, I know what he does is not ok and I am looking to get out.   As background, and I think this likely is relevant, my father was emotionally abusive (and physically) to my mom, he was an alcoholic.  I vowed never to let myself be treated that way. . . . [/quote]

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