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[quote=Anonymous]I have a boyfriend who has a tendency to lash out when he feels threatened or attacked. I'm trying to determine if his recent behavior is a deal-breaker or not. I wouldn't say the relationship has been without issue, but we do love each other. He's been very emotionally supportive of me through some difficult job transitions and we have a lot of fun together. However, I'm at the point where I need some external advice.

We are currently long-distance with plans to change jobs to a new area to be together in another year. He has committed to a long-term project in a town that is about 5 hours drive from where we met and began dating 3 years ago. He's been living there about a year and things had been going well until November. In November, he started to get very busy and cancelled plans last-minute to see me 3 times in a four week period. He also was very difficult to catch by phone during this time and we went from speaking almost daily to going two weeks without speaking. He says his job is just nuts and he has no control of his schedule. One example was that he asked me to call when I got off the Metro, which I said was 15 minutes away, but then didn't answer the phone when I called. He said his boss called and there was no way he could take my call. This is a recurring thing, where he would say call after such and such time, but then not be available and blame work.

Ok, right, no big deal. I'm a grown woman and can take care of myself. But one day around Thanksgiving, I said, "You know, I'm feeling a little disrespected that you can't keep a single plan to see or talk to me." Or something to that effect. He really lashed out and called me "the most unforgiving person he'd ever met." Then when we finally did have a chance to talk the last week of November, I was describing a work problem and he was trying to give me advice. He kept interrupting me. I asked him if he would please let me finish and he just could not stop talking over me. I asked again if he would let me finish my sentence and at last he did. Nevertheless, the call wasn't going well and finally I said, "I feel like you're being very aggressive and I'm starting to get uncomfortable in this conversation." He basically ended the call at that point and sent a tirade of texts saying I was abusive and emotionally manipulative for calling his behavior aggressive. He said it's a very serious thing to call someone aggressive in this day and age and, while he wasn't calling me abusive, he said he has a boundary for people calling him aggressive. He also said I needed a lesson in humility with regard to my work. He said I was "blasting him with too many details" and it became so irritating he had to shut it down. He said I was dumping all over him, which I don't really see at all, honestly.

He calmed down a bit afterwards and admitted that he was rude and lost his patience with me. He blames it on my not being able to handle a long-distance relationship. He says the number of warm texts and love emojis has decreased and unless he feels close to me, he doesn't have patience for me and can't stay positive.

I know I can't give everyone the full story, but does this seem like acceptable behavior? Or should I run now, while I can? I'm feeling very uneasy about the whole situation and typing it out seems to make it clear I need to run.[/quote]

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