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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Background: I’m not close to my brother - no hate; just not much in common. Also I live 7h flight away (not in the US).

For thanksgiving, we did a Skype call with my parents. Brother brought along his GF (who I’d not heard of until then; my parents knew of her but had never met her in person) & both joined the call. My parents wrote later to say that brother & GF announced during dinner that they were getting married .. in a week. Yesterday was the wedding (county courthouse). We are all quite surprised but are happy for them & wishing the best.

Dilemma: In the nuclear family that my brother & I grew up in, Christmas tradition is that you stop getting presents once you’re 18. My brother has a 17yo daughter from 1st marriage. SIL has a 14-yr old son and an 18yr old daughter from her 1st marriage.

I don’t know what to do for presents!

For my 17yr old niece, I normally get her a nice Xmas present (usually a combo of something I think she will really like + $100gc). But now there are suddenly 2 more kids that I literally know nothing about and will not likely meet until I go back to the states (next visit is 2 years from now).

I’m thinking to set aside the ‘rule’ about no presents past 18, as they’ve just become a blended family, and treat all three kids as equal for this year with generic gc’s. But they aren’t really equal - I adore my niece, whom I’ve known and watched grow for 17 years vs literally knowing nothing about the other two kids, one of whom is a newly-fledged grown up. Next year, both girls would age into the 18yr old ‘rule’ and I would only be getting something for the 14 year old, who I won’t have met in person. That just seems awkward and I don’t want to set a strange precedent.

Fwiw, my 17y niece lives with her mom, but step niece/nephew live with my brother & new SIL.  Also, my brother is not financially secure and has only sporadically ‘remembered’ birthdays/holidays with respect to my son (many times not even an email or a card). Nothing has ever been even between us, but I’ve always gotten something for my niece regardless (and maybe especially because I know things are often lean).

Maybe it’s time to just stop the presents and send a card? WWYD?
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Get presents for all 3 kids. In terms of what to get, I'd either ask the your new SIL what her kids would want or get giftcards of the same denomination for all 3 kids. [/quote]

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