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[quote=Anonymous]DH is depressed, perhaps bipolar, and has some mental health issues that are coming to a head right now.

He has always had a hard time hearing any criticism, and struggled to control his anger.  But these were things he worked hard on, and they were not an issue in our decade-long relationship, or for our young children.

One year ago he started to become depressed, slowly at first and then more seriously.  During this time he started to have violent outbursts.  He never hit me, but he would break objects, hit walls, tear things down, yell and scream, with fists clenched.  He would get in my face like he was going to fight me.  When he seemed less depressed, I would try to say that the way he was treating me was unacceptable, and that I would not under any circumstances stay with him if that was his behavior.  This was in addition to helping him of course through medication / therapy / couples counseling.  But he hears this as my leaving him, and when he feels like I'm abandoning him he cycles out of control.

This past week he left our house and took a bunch of drugs at an old friend's house.  He has been sleeping in his car.  And today I heard from his friend that he thinks *I* am the violent one in the relationship.  He says he's never hit me (this is true) but that I've "hit" him 2-3 times in our 10+ year relationship.  He has said this to me before when I've tried to talk to him about his aggressive, violent behavior; he'll immediately respond by listing every horrible thing I've ever done in my life.  He identifies one time I was crying in his arms and I pounded his chest; I actually thought it was a nice moment, and he didn't have a problem with it at the time.  He identifies another time years ago I pushed him away from me with 2 flat (not fisted) hands when I was postpartum and very mad.  I regret that, of course.  And he identifies a series of things I've said in response to his aggression, like when he was physically threatening me and said, "What are you going to do? Hurt me?" (like this was laughable, because of course I was powerless against him) and I said "Yes, I'll hurt you."  So he says I said "I'll hurt you," and claims I've been violent.

Now his friend believes that *I* am the violent one, the "abuser".  I, by the way, am 110 lbs.  My DH is 170 and into Muay Thai and MMA.

What do I make of this?  What is going on!?!?!?!

Before this past year, we DID NOT have a tumultuous relationship.  We had our issues, sure, but NOT THIS SHIT.  We were happily married.  People envied our relationship.  We were in love.  Truly.

What do I make of this?  What do I do??   What the bloody hell?
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