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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A friend was in town and we had a dinner reservation; our first girls night in over a year as we both have kids and crazy jobs. As the hostess was showing us to our table, I ran into this coworker at the bar. I said hi, introduced my friend and continued walking...and she invited herself to join us! She literally grabbed her purse off the bar stool and started following us. I told her we had a reservation for 2 (the place was packed) so she asked the hostess if there was room for 3 at the table. I didn't know what to do! So what ended up happening was she took the chair while my friend and I squeezed into the small bench across from her. She spent the whole dinner talking about herself. I didn't get to catch up with my friend at all and we left the restaurant totally exhausted and deflated. [/quote]

These things only happen if you let them happen.  You need to step and be an adult.

Let's frame it another way.  If you had paid for an expensive 2 person event for yourself and your daughter and happened to meet another person who invited herself to your event, what would you do?  Let's say that this person bumped into you as you were entering the event and she said to the hostess that she was the second person participating and that your daughter was just going to watch because it was really an adult event.  The normal thing is to speak up and tell the hostess something like "I'm sorry, but that's not the case.  My daughter is the second participant for this event.  Jane, I'll see you back at the office tomorrow. "

Likewise, you need speak up for yourself here.  When she asked the hostess if there was room for 3 at the table, you needed to speak up and say "I'm sorry, but we made a reservation for 2 because we really need to catch up alone.  Jane, I'll see you at the office tomorrow."  If she tries to insist, ask the hostess if she'll find another table for 'Jane' and let the hostess deal with the clueless co-worker.  She only gets to join your party if you allow her to.  In your situation, you allowed her to by not insisting that she leave you and your friend.

I find that many people can stand up for their children but cannot stand up for themselves.  Learn to frame this the same way as you would stand up for your child.  Be an adult.

[url]Today, I'm fuming. I arranged for a sitter to be able to spend this time with my friend and someone I barely know completely hijacked our evening. [/url]

You should be mad at yourself for letting this person take advantage of you.  You were afraid of causing a scene and refused to stand up for yourself.  Learn from this to change the next time she tries something similar.

I know some people will find me incredibly unfriendly here and probably feel bad for my coworker. But I just don't know anyone who would do something like that! Everything about the situation made it obvious she was intruding. I'm honestly curious what others would do here. [/quote]

There are many situations where events will happen differently than you would like.  If you allow them to happen when you can say something, you have yourself to blame.  There are many, many people who will take advantage of you if you let them.  Learn to navigate situations to ensure that where you can, you get the outcome you want.

For example, if you are busy with a deadline and she walks up and starts a conversation you look up and say "Jane, I have a deadline that I'm just barely going to make.  I can't talk now. "  If she says more or doesn't move to leave, then you get explicit "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."  If she comes up to a discussion and tries to insert herself you have to be firm "I'm sorry, Jane, but this is a private conversation.  Please excuse us."  Just be firm. [/quote]

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