Reply to Do parents/in laws have any right to expect an effort at family togetherness?

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Reply to "Do parents/in laws have any right to expect an effort at family togetherness?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I just think it speaks to the kind of relationship they have. My parents don't "expect" anything but I make a lot of effort to see them because I want to see them and spend time with them. My parents are independent and practical - they don't insist that we have to see each other on THE holiday. My in-laws, on the other hand, lay on the guilt trip, which actually annoys my spouse more than me (I think because I have emotional distance.). So it feels more like an obligation than something joyful.

We have the exact same thing happening. My parents are flexible so we can make plans on the fly. My inlaws are very inflexible also always guilt trip us every time we visit. It’s not fun.[/quote]

When adult children are respected, parents don't guilt trip. What Op and others are complaining about is really a disrespect of the adult children BY the parents. Any emotional manipulation/guilt is only done when one is very sure they have the upper hand. They do not view their adult children as worthy of equal respect. If the adult children are financially independent, they are worthy of respect as equals.[/quote]

This.  When the adult parents act entitled and demanding, it makes visits a burden.  Even moreso because entitled people tend to want to be constantly entertained/waited on - it can be draining.

But the other posters are also correct - the parents must have be modeling something that rubbed off on the kids.  I know plenty of kids with great relationships with their parents, and plenty who skew the other way, too.  I think it’s a combination of upbringing and entitlement/demand of parents.[/quote]

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