Reply to Help me help my DD navigate frenemy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks for the insights/help.  The odd thing is (or maybe this is typical), this girl is also possessive of her and tells her not to be friends with girls outside the group.  This girl sends conflicting messages to my daughter, so DD responds to the positive and feels compelled to accept play dates for fear that if she says no, the wrath will be worse.  I am not sure that this girl actually dislikes DD, rather,  but I am beginning to suspect this girl derives some enjoyment out of hurting others.  But I digress...

In addition to expanding her universe, I am trying to help DD be diplomatic, assertive, etc.  The other girls' reactions (or lack thereof) tend to be 1)lack of backbone despite sympathy and 2)desire to just stay out of it because the conflict is uncomfortable.  Yes, in the end, she can't stick with this "group", because it's making her unhappy [b]and she is starting to prefer to just not join rather than be subjected to it.[/b]   DD is not the only one on the receiving end, but, no doubt, gets the brunt of it by far.   Additional advice is welcome.  The anxiety my DD has as a result is just awful.[/quote]  The only thing I would do in your shoes is encourage her in the bolded, because her feelings are absolutely spot on. I wouldn't try to manipulate her friendship or suggest any weird sceanrio's as a pp described.  I'd talk to her about how there are different kinds of friendships, and that's OK.  Best friends, situational friends (which it sounds like this girl is), acquaintances, etc.  I'd encourage her to stand up for herself if someone is mistreating her and to not be afraid to make new friends.  [/quote]

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