Reply to talk me out of my knee-jerk response

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is tricky because men often need sex to feel emotionally connected and women are the opposite. Maybe you can work through that dynamic in therapy?[/quote]

Was it his intent to hurt you or to be honest because he wants to get the emotional connection back?  I think you are penalizing him because you feel that you are more invested.  It’s like being the first person when dating to say I love you and the other person doesn’t feel the same way in the moment.  If they don’t say it back, yes it hurrts, but it can be counter productive to pull back. Also, just because they don’t feel the same at the moment, it doesn’t mean the person will never be in love with you. And if someone lies to spare your feelings on something that important, it can be 100 times worse down the road when they break up with you out of nowhere because they weren’t being honest all along.

If you need to feel emotionally connected to have sex, were you getting that before but oblivious to how he felt?  If so it’s like being the first to say I love you, keep the faith that he will get there and that he wants to get there with you while you are waiting for the next counseling session. If you weren’t feeling emotionally connected either then really you were both feeling the same thing but he was honest about it first.  In between the counseling sessions think about what things make you feel more connected and talk you your DH.  While you may not know what he might be thinking and may not be able to coach him, you should know your own thoughts and what makes you feel closer.. If you aren’t sure how to communicate it, see if you can meet with the counselor alone for suggestions.  [/quote]

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