Reply to talk me out of my knee-jerk response

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It will make things worse - although of course, I recommend talking to your therapist in a one-on-one session rather than take the advice of strangers.

Very generally speaking, men often connect with their spouses through sex or physical intimacy. If he is already having a hard time connecting emotionally, I don't think taking the physical connection away will make it better. I think it will look like you're detaching further.

And, that said - you absolutely have the right to your own personal boundaries. You should never feel you have to have sex if you don't want to. I think a more healthy boundary might be to stay in the same room but let him know you're not emotionally able to have sex right now, or let him know that you're still open to physical intimacy, but that needs to mean more than just sex. Again, talk to your therapist, but it doesn't seem out of line to me to request at least 3 times of cuddling a week without having sex - he gets the physical connection to "keep him in the game" and you can still have your boundary.

I'm sorry. I know it all feels very clinical and like a negotiation - "Okay, we can have sex but only if we have at least 30 minutes of cuddling a week, set a timer..." etc -- but sometimes that's what you need to do to get it back on track. Going through the emotions before you feel like it. I hope you can get the clarity you need. [/quote] Appreciate your perspective.[/quote]

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