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[quote=Anonymous]This (long) post is about getting my middle school DS (anxiety and OCD) to accept that he isn't going to be invited to mainstream parties/social gatherings like he was when younger and everyone was included. He is obsessed with trying to hang out with the "cool" and athletic kids, some of whom he was friendly with at a younger age, but not anymore because they find him "annoying", in their words. These "cool" kids are really not his tribe as he has completely different interests, but he doesn't get and/or accept that yet. They host parties and/or attend parties or other events and unfortunately, DS sees it all play out on Instagram (which I regret letting him have this year.) We've suggested/challenged him to delete the app, but he has resisted. I hate social media, and middle school sucks in general, but that's another rant.

How do you get your kid to understand that everyone gets left out sometimes and that it truly does suck and is sad, but annoying peers on social media won't get you desired results. Sometimes, you have to move on and look for new friends (easier said than done)? As an example, I've seen my son text someone as follows, "Hey Larlo, wanna hang out tomorrow night? Oh, right you're going to the party that I wasn't invited to." He'll send other texts like this that would annoy anyone, even his true friends, which I'd hate him to lose.

I've tried telling DS that some of these kids just aren't his friends anymore (it's confusing to him because they may ride the same bus and/or live nearby), but that he can still be friendly when he sees them. I've suggested that he reach out to some of the "non-cool" kids who are really more his tribe -- maybe invite them over for pizza or a movie.  However, he just gets angry and tunes me out. It's also sad because every time he's not invited to something that some of his friends are invited to, he acts out towards us and family.  We try to plan outings in advance of a party or event that he isn't invited to, but that's an avoidance tactic that doesn't address the issue.

In short, this is about getting DS to understand and embrace who he is meant to be, versus who he still wants to be.  I fear that being rejected may be the only way he'll learn, which makes me sad.  Any advice is appreciated.[/quote]

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