Reply to Appropriate Punishment for Lying?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm guessing this is your oldest child.  You are entering the age where this is the go to response.  Even for the most minor of infractions (not opinining as to seriousness of this infraction because it really depends on the household and I don't live in yours) lying is the response.  It drives every parent crazy trying to figure out how to deal with it.

Here is how I dealt/deal with it.  Everytime one of my kids tells me a lie, I force them to look me in the face and admit to the truth.  Then I lecture them on lying and tell them that if I catch them lying again, there will be a serious consequence (I have my go to consequences for each kid and I am specific about what I will do).  And I remind them that if they lie and I can't trust them, their life will suck because they won't be able to do whatever it is that the particular kid longs to do.  I let them know that I am disapponted that they would choose to be so disrespectful as to lie to me and that one thing I never do is disrespect them.  Then, I give the usual consequence for the behavior.

Here's the challenge.  Kids don't generalize until they are older than your child.  So when your son lies to you again about homework, he won't get the relationship between the Wii lying and the homework lying.  So you will have to give the same lecture.  And then again in another week when your son lies about who he was hanging out with, he won't get the relationship between the Wiii lying, the homework lying and the most recent issue.  It's like when you tell your two year old not to touch the remote to the TV.  You have to say the same thing 200 tiimes before they get it.

And, don't be surprised if your son has a different reaction to lying with your spouse than with you.  I am definitely the parent who is the disciplinarian, but also the cuddler and the parent who is involved in everything that goes on in school (academics and social) and knows all of the friends.  My kids cave far easier with me than with my spouse when it comes to admitting the truth.  
[/quote]

You guessed correctly, he is my oldest.  And I feel like I've lectured about this to the point that I'm beginning to wonder if my straight A student really is smart, after all.  It sounds like I just need to keep on doing the same thing I've been doing, much like with a 2 yr old.  So in some ways, perhaps I've been giving him too much credit for maturity in areas.  Sometimes those pre-teens just [i]sound [/i]so mature.  Right before I tuck him in with his stuffed cheetah, I guess.   :D

The infraction was pretty minor--he knew better, it was really the sneaking (I was at work, he called and asked when I'd be home--premeditated!!) and subsequent lying that was an issue for me.

Thanks for your input, it helps put things into perspective.[/quote]

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