Reply to If You Can’t Find a Spouse Who Supports Your Career, Stay Single

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Reply to "If You Can’t Find a Spouse Who Supports Your Career, Stay Single"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  The way I read it, only some (a few?) men will be super-supportive.  Which means probably a lot more women should stay single.  See here:

"Even for couples who are committed to equality, it takes two exceptional people to navigate tricky dual-career waters. It’s easier to opt for the path of least resistance — the historical norm of a career-focused man and a family-focused woman. Especially if, as is often the case, the man is a few years older, has a career head start, and so earns a higher salary. This leads to a cycle that’s hard to break: Men get more opportunities to earn more, and it gets harder and harder for women to catch up."

She lists some strategies for helping to cultivate a more equitable partnership for two career-oriented people, but overall, it seems daunting, given how so many men are raised to expect their careers to take precedence.[/quote]

I can see how this would be difficult in practice, but as long as there is mutual give and take I don't think it's that rare. I out-earned my DH and had a more demanding career for the first six years of the adult portion of our relationship, and he's earned more and had a more demanding career for the last three (we have one baby). I supported him going after a more demanding/lucrative role but was clear that I was unwilling to keep working 60+ hours/week and also be primarily responsible for a baby (he travels a lot), so I was going to do something less demanding for a few years. He would prefer that I return to my more demanding/lucrative role and I also hope to do that in a few years when I'm done having little kids, but we have discussed the fact that he will then need to shoulder more domestic responsibility. FWIW, I know very few couples in which the man is several years older. Almost everyone I know is in a relationship with a partner within one year of their own age.[/quote]

It kind of sounds like once you had a baby, you mommy tracked yourself.  And now he "wants" you to go back, but has no plans of stepping back in his own career to make that happen.  If you think it's easier to have two parents working 60+ hours/wk once your baby hits kindergarten, I have some news for you.

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