Reply to How are you preventing your parents divorce from impacting your marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your parents’ divorce WILL impact your marriage because that is an experience in your life. But impacting is not the same as torpedoing.

Your choice is to either REACT when triggered by something (and yes you sound like you are triggered when everyday disappointments arise) or RESPOND instead, taking into consideration your likely bias to see everyday stressors as a big picture threat.

Take an inventory of yourself. You may be very conflict avoidant. You will have more success getting your DH to take an inventory of himself if you show him how it’s done. For example, you could say, “I’m still worried that the fight we had two days ago has chipped away at our trust. I know that I see a permanent impact of our fights, although you see things as just a temporary blip. But I am bothered a lot and I’m afraid to bring up something else that we need to resolve because I don’t want more conflict.” Something like that - im guessing here.

Btw other people’s parents staying together WILL impact their marriage too, and if the impact is unexamined, it could be detrimental too. Maybe someone thinks that divorce happens to ‘other’ people and they are overly dismissive of real problems, until their marriage crumbles. The problem is not that your parents divorced. The only problem is if you aren’t self-aware about all the good and bad baggage we each bring into relationships. [/quote]

Thank you, this is helpful. -OP[/quote]

This is very true and wise.  I think the better question is how can my parents' relationship affect my marriage.  Both mine and my DH's parents are married and I definitely communicate like my parents and DH communicates based upon what he experienced.  
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