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[quote=Anonymous]This is tough.  She might be jealous of your relationship with the kids, and think she could get closer to them by sah.  are they closer to you?  Are there other ways she could do things with the kids that might help them bond (join a mom and kid cooking class together, for example?). Are there things you could outsource so she could spend more of her free time with the kids (cleaning, meals, etc.). She may need a more structured setting (like a class) to help her bond with the kids.

I would also list all of the expectations that a stay at home parent would need to accomplish, broken down by daily, weekly, and monthly tasks: i.e. Daily: laundry, grocery shopping, cooking breakfast and dinner; making lunches; cleaning dishes; trash removal, homework supervision weekly: vacuum, launder linens, scrub bathrooms; lawn work monthly: baseboards, wall cleaning, appliance maintenance...etc etc.  be as specific as possible and clarify how unromantic it is.  Explain that you would not be able to help out with any of this as you would be dealing with heavy income responsibility/rebuilding your career and you would not be able to afford to hire help/eat out.  Explain she would likely need to get the kids up in the mornings and to bed at night on her own.  Layout the specific financial sacrifices that would need to be made: no vacation, deferred retirement, downsizing house, etc, etc.  then I would try living like that for a bit to the extent possible.   Good luck. [/quote]

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