Reply to Calling all Introverts - Help me connect with my DH and DS (introverts)

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[quote=Anonymous]1. I have known I was an introvert since I was very young, certainly in grade school, though we didn't use the language for it the same way. I knew I needed time to "recharge." My whole nuclear family was introverts, though, so we understood one another.

2. My husband was an introvert, but closer to "extrovert" on the scale than I was. It helped tremendously to have him ask whether this was a good time to talk (e.g., if a financial thing came up and I might still be coming back down from the stress of work), AND to have me come up with a defined time, if not -- such as, "Not right now, but let's tackle it right after supper."

3. n/a

I am friendly and outgoing. I'm not shy, but I need down time. To him, this sometimes looked like I was "faking it" by pretending to like people. I wasn't. I just needed a break.

This translated into him wondering why other people were important enough to "fake it" with, but he was not -- of, if he was, why did I not love him enough not to have to "fake it." But really it was that "faking it" missed the mark entirely.

It helped tremendously for me to pay attention to my own needs and get really good at estimating how low my tank was, and when I would be refilled after enough alone time.

It also helped when I explained that for an introvert, alone time is like sleeping -- you need it eventually, and you can't function by putting it off indefinitely. You can delay it for awhile if you need to, but there will be a deficit you have to make up, and you may become more foggy or irritable if you have put it off for a long time, even if you try hard not to be.

We don't blame our partners for needing to sleep, and we don't take it as commentary on how much they love or connect with us. But in addition, introverts NEED alone time and extroverts NEED together time. That's not all they need, but that's the weight of it -- and just as introverts don't love less for needing to recharge, extroverts aren't overly clingy by needing to be physically and verbally close.[/quote]

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