Reply to When did you get over your spouse's affair? Or did you?

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[quote=Anonymous]Short story - married for 10 years when my husband had a year-long affair with a coworker.  It seems mostly emotional (lots of lovey dovey emails, long walks, etc.), but it also turned physical towards the end (hotel rooms, etc.).  My husband and I had two small kids (youngest was a baby) during the affair.  Pre-affair, things weren't perfect in our marriage on both sides.  For example, I was pretty emotionally distant due to a pretty dysfunctional upbringing and he was very irresponsible financially and otherwise.  We definitely weren't communicating.  But I thought we would get through a rough patch and soldier on because we were married and committed.  Turns out, he decided to get involved with another woman and during the affair he was emotionally brutal to me, telling me he never loved me, that I was a terrible mom, etc.  I finally put the pieces together and, for some reason, he broke it off with the other woman, the other woman changed jobs, and we went to counseling.  He now claims to love me and says he is very ashamed and upset and that he was rewriting history when he said all of the mean things to me.

This all ended about two years ago.  Still, I keep remembering all of the terrible things he said to me, and I think he really did think those things and might still even though he claims he doesn't.  I would like to be hypnotized to forget it all because I am trying to stick it out because I have loved him for so long and I want to keep the family intact.  I am not sure, however, that this will ever go away from my thoughts.  That there will be a time when he compliments me and, internally, I will not be thinking, well that's what you say now but who knows how long until you think I am the worst person ever again.  We have been in therapy and have really worked on our communication and he is much happier with me because he says that I am much more responsive, open, etc.  But I am just sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Anyone else been through this and did it get better?  What does it take?  Why can't I just compartmentalize it?  Or just get over it?[/quote]

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