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[quote=Anonymous]I fear that I am reaching my limit with my husband and starting to realize that I need to seriously consider divorce.  Our marriage has been in a horrible state for years, but I had committed myself to making it work (or more truthfully, keeping it going) because we have kids and because I felt that it made more sense financially.  Lately though, I feel as though I can't hold on, so I am trying to get a sense of what the financial implications will be if we divorce.

We have been married for 15 years and I have been the primary earner the entire time.  Over the course of the 15 years, my husband has had maybe 3 or 4 years when he has earned about $30-35K; all other years he has basically had negligible income.  I knew when we got married that I would always be the primary breadwinner and had no problem with that, especially because he was the one much more excited about having kids and we agreed that he would be a stay at home parent.  That changed when our first child was about 3 months old, at which point my husband said that he 'couldn't do it' and I started paying for child care.  When he is earning money, he never offers to contribute to our expenses beyond everyday cash transactions.

We are in Virginia and my internet research seems to indicate that marital assets are divided 'equitably' rather than 'equally', but I am not sure what that would mean in our case.  I have worked very hard to create financial security for my family and I have zero faith that my husband would be at all responsible with whatever he would get in a divorce settlement.  He doesn't believe in insurance or saving money.  His very small retirement accounts exist only because I essentially paid for them.  We have invested considerable resources into several of his business ideas, none of which has panned out.  One of my recent last straws is that after starting a new job, he is refusing to contribute the maximum allowed to his 401K, despite the fact that we do not need (or use) his income to cover our expenses.

This post is getting long (sorry!), but I am just wondering what I should expect would happen given our financial situation.  I am a GS-15 level fed.  We currently have a net worth of about $1.4 million made up of the following.

- We have one joint savings account.  We each have our own other checking and savings accounts.  I pay all credit cards, medical bills, subscriptions, insurance, etc....  We both pay for incidental life expenses like groceries, gas, restaurants, etc.... - most of which we do in cash.

- I have a couple of 401K accounts and a TSP account.  He has a 401K account.

- We each have a Roth IRA, though I have made all of the contributions into each.

- We bought a house in 2010.  Mortgage in my name.  Title in both of our names.  I made the downpayment and make all mortgage payments from my account.

- We have three kids and a 529 for each.  Again, all contributions have come from my account.

I know that I need to contact a lawyer if I am really serious about getting out of this marriage, but I am just trying to get a sense of what to expect financially.  Appreciate any knowledge or experience that you can share.
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