Reply to S/O How did you find out about a parent's affair and what has it done to you?

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Reply to "S/O How did you find out about a parent's affair and what has it done to you?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Mom told me when I was in middle school or early in high school that she would run away with a family friend if he asked her to.  That never happened and I don't think they ever had an affair.  (He was a twisted guy who was playing with other women's minds in addition to my mom's.  Such a jerk.)  But this is not something an adult should be telling a child.  As well as telling me how disappointed she was with my father.  Took me a long time to tell her to stop telling me what she thought was wrong with my father.

And when he died unexpectedly she was shocked that she was upset.  I wouldn't talk to her about this.  I was still pissed at her for blaming all her problems on him.

But I did learn a lot from her example.  I learned to take responsibility for my problems and not blame them on dh.  In more recent years with the added perspective of age, I realize now how desperately little she got from her family in terms of learning to set boundaries and take care of herself.   And people of her generation didn't go to therapists. 12-step programs were out there (my dad went to AA) but it wasn't as widespread and accepted as it is now.  Hope things are different for my kid![/quote]

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