Reply to Struggling with husband's unwillingness to socialize

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honest question: do you think it's fair to kids for parents to be like this? Do you think it disadvantages them in any way for parents to interact with other adults only when it's required, like parent-teacher conferences or family weddings? Because my initial reaction would be yes, but I feel like hearing another take on this would be helpful. I'm truly interested and don't mean for the question to sound overly critical. [/quote]

I am a hard introvert. I pretty much only socialize when required. I think it's harder on kids when the mom is this way, rather than when the dad is. My children have suffered because I'm just not up for going out with the other moms or whatnot after work. I'm done. I want to go home. My children don't benefit from the mom-groups that form and keep the kids thrown together. They have to create their own friendships. Which I do support - but I'm going to drop off my child and not come in for a coffee. I'm going to host your children, but I don't want to host you.

I have extroverted children and it's been hard on them, especially the in-between ages like 7-10 where the kids aren't quite scheduling their own get togethers and it's not as easy as the "everyone gets together at the park and plays" as the little kid ages. A lot of the socializing in that age span seemed to be parents-get-together-and-so-do-the-kids. On the other hand, my children have introverted friends who they really understand because they've grown up with me. I like to think I'm raising respectful, considerate extroverts. My children are also very capable of building and maintaining their own communities. They haven't piggy-backed on mine, and they're very good at taking care of their friendships. I spent a couple of years sure I was ruining my children's lives, but I just didn't have the social energy to go out for drinks or spend the day chatting at the zoo. I'll take the kids to the zoo, but I'd like to just quietly enjoy myself and watch the kids, and not have to maintain a constant stream of chatter. But now that my kids are teenagers and almost-teens, I am so proud of them. They have wonderful social groups, and I feel a special bit of pride about the range of friends they have.

My husband has picked up some of the slack, but it's the moms who are supposed to socialize for the benefit of their children. I feel like our children's lives would be easier if their dad were like me, and I like him.[/quote]

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