Reply to Elderly Father with dementia and wife is cutting me out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry, not too sound cruel, but you have nothing to do with the day-to-day care of your father.  He is lucky he has someone to take care of him.  If you are so concerned, you'd have been out to visit more than once a year.  The fact that you asked them to visit you is a joke and means nothing.[/quote]

OP here - thank you for the response.  Yes, I know I have nothing to do with the day-to-day care of my father.  And from what I've seen his wife has taken very good care of him.  I didn't visit more than once a year for a couple of reasons: my brother was an hour away and would see him frequently.  Finances are tight (I work part time so we don't have a great deal of disposable income) and a trip to Colorado can not be done in a two day weekend.   I have three children at home and I need to make sure my husband's schedule is flexible while I'm gone. Up until a year ago, my mother was still alive and living in Kansas, so I would divide my time to visit her as well.  Flying four people to Kansas or Colorado on holidays when the children are not in school is very expensive.

When my father was able to make his own decisions, he would visit me frequently.  When he became incapable of making decisions, but still capable of traveling, they would travel all over the world (they both loved traveling.)  I would ask her to visit me, she would reply: "It's too hard to travel with your father."  Two minutes later, she would tell me about their latest trip to Hawaii or their upcoming cruise to Greece or visiting her children in California  That's what bothered me.  I viewed it as her way of trying to cut me out.  Maybe I'm wrong and I should have made more of an effort to visit.[/quote]

Is it really a surprise that she would rather visit her own family or Greece than visit you guys?  But that is in the past now.

So as other poster mentioned, make sure you are on the contact list for the home, you need to be on whatever HIPPA form they have so you can get information regarding his health (not that you should be interfering in what is done).  other than that, you need to visit him.  See if you can create a relationship with the wife's children, seems they may have had a closer relationship through her with your father.[/quote]

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