Reply to my grandma passed away and I feel like I never knew her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Im sorry, op.   A dysfunctional family history is a hard thing to live with.   I'm sure it's a lot to take in and try to make sense of.   The best thing you can do is break the chain and create a better and more sensible life for yourself and whatever children you may have.

If you haven't tried it yet, I might recommend some therapy to deal with your father's abandonment.  It's interesting that your thread title says you feel like you never knew your grandmother, but from reading your post, I got the sense you have some frustration that really it's that your grandmother didn't know you - she didn't understand your sense of loss or your struggles to reach adulthood without financial support.

I think there's a good bit to unpack in all this, and therapy may be a good setting for it.  [/quote]

Thank you for your reply. I am open to therapy. I have tried it in the past and had a slightly bad experience with therapist, but I'm willing to give it another shot. My dad has been a jerk this year and we haven't spoken in like 6 months now. He is everything he is because of his seriously spoiled upbringing by his parents. I loved my grandma, but I hate the way she raised my dad. Now that she is gone, it feels like all the dysfunction and lies are all out on the table in plain sight if that makes sense. [/quote]
I think this is more about being adopted and feeling like you were treated as 'less than' than anything else.  Maybe your grandma was trying to raise you differently because she saw how spoiling your dad worked out.  I wouldn't be upset about forgiving him for wrecking the car in college - that was a really long time ago!  I'm assuming there's some other reason why you say he was spoiled.  At any rate, it sounds like your grandmother had some flaws that didn't come to light after her death, but don't we all?  I also suggest therapy for you.  Good luck. [/quote]

I agree with last pp.  But maybe your grandmother didn't do as well financially in the last 15 years?  You said her purses were from the 80s and 90s.  Is it possible your sibling didn't do so well after they paid for everything and that's why you were treated differently?[/quote]

The bulk of the handbags were from the 90s, but I'm just guessing. They are handbags that are so expensive that they they would still be in fashion today (Bottega veneta, chanel, etc).

She still shopped a lot up to probably 2012 or so. The last 5 years she didn't shop as much due to health reasons. Still died with multi millions. [/quote]

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