Reply to Feedback on letter to my siblings re helping out with elderly mom

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Feedback on letter to my siblings re helping out with elderly mom "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I do it all.  I am the only daughter, and I love my mom but the situation is bothering me.   Background:  My dad died and left nothing, so she needs full financial support.   None of us want her to live with us for various reasons, so she has an apartment, car, Medicare Part B, phone etc. paid for by us.  We can afford it but neither brother (older by the way) has offered to help.   They also don't visit or arrange to have her visit.  They infrequently call her.  They don't handle the day to day stuff, like helping her figure out what doctor to go to.  She does not live in the same state as any of us.   She's in FL.   My siblings both have children in their 20s and I have children in elementary and middle school.   We are financially much better off, but they are not poor and are done with college expenses and the like.   I am not a very confrontational person, so a letter is the best approach for me.   Thoughts on this?

[b]Rough Draft Letter: [/b]

I have been thinking about how to articulate something for awhile now, so I am going to try to—realizing the limitations of a “paper conversation”.

I think that the best in short encapsulation would be – I think you need to be more involved with Mom.

We are shouldering a significant amount of expenses for her monthly—around 1800-2000 a month.  While we can afford to do that, it does seem like her other two children could help some too, even if not to a proportionate extent.

Beyond money, there is a lot that goes into helping an 85 year old.  She needs help figuring out what doctors to go to, and this need is likely to grow as time goes forward on the health front.   Coordination of care, being a contact for doctors, etc. are all roles we will need to fill.    She also needs help figuring things out, like her car, phone, etc.

Mom also needs emotional support and visits.   I do my best, but I have a complicated situation with two kids at home, who are pretty high need, especially X . and Ys  travel schedule is a significant factor in my ability to get away.     I call her every couple of days and I visit twice a year and have her here 2-3 times a year.   I don’t mind this, she is my mom and I love her, but I think you both need to step up a bit on this front.

Sorry to be so frank, but I think as she enters the next stage I don’t want to be resentful about all of this and I know you would want to spend time with her before it’s too late. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics