Reply to Husband has checked out as a parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think a come to Jesus talk is way past due.

The fact that you have a three year old and never go out with friends for dinner because he "doesn't know how to get the kids to bed" is truly insane.

It's learned helplessness.  Tell him you need to go out, and then go out.  I'm sure he's smart enough to put the kids to bed.  [/quote]

I went out once to a friends house to check up on her while she was sick, came home at 9:30pm, no one has eaten dinner, and the kids are eating an entire bag of candy and watching TV because my husband says "they didn't want to go to bed" and "we wanted to wait up for you". It becomes not worth it, you know? And than I somehow become the bad guy. I'm not sure how to explain to him that it's important for the kids to eat a healthy meal and go to bed at an appropriate time without sounding like such a "mom". I feel like I'm always nagging - please put the dishes away, please wash hands before eating, please don't buy candy for the kids right before we are about to get lunch, please  do this, please do that.[/quote]

Part of it might be that he isn't regularly responsible for them so he thinks it's ok to let them go hog wild on these "special occasions" where he's in charge of bedtime.  He's essentially treating the times he is responsible for the kids like it's grandma and grandpas house when he needs to actually be parenting.  As a one off, SURE it's ok for the kids to be up late and eat candy.  As an every day thing?  Of course that doesn't work.  So the answer isn't less time with him responsible, it's more time with him responsible.

My dad tried the same crap with my mom, would not take care of ANYTHING if she went out for the evening, would not take us anywhere, just abdicated all responsibility for us.  Things didn't get better until my mom got a job working long hours so dad was regularly in charge of getting us fed and taken care of.  Then, he finally treated it like it was his responsibility to actually make dinner and make us do homework, etc.  [/quote]

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