Reply to Fair fighting in your marriage. If you hit below the belt, is the marriage doomed?

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Reply to "Fair fighting in your marriage. If you hit below the belt, is the marriage doomed?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Once one of you starts name-calling or telling the other they hate them, that is tough to come back from.

This is where I am now. DH screams and cusses at me, flips me off, calls me horrible names, etc but can't understand why I keep dwelling on that. Then the next day he tries to make up for it and get back to "normal" but I can't live like that any longer. His swings have me wondering if he's BPD...[/quote]

He is totally wrong, so I want to say that out of the gate.

That said, the underlying reason for the behavior is that he likely does not feel heard by you. His milder complaints weren't getting through she [b]he graduated to crazy[/b]. His fault, his responsibility to change, but if you are interested in trying to save your marriage, understanding the likely underlying dynamic can help.

If I were you I would obviously disengage and walk away when he acts this way. However, you might also say something like "It sounds like you are incredibly bitter and angry. If you want to talk about this calmly, let me know and I will be all ears" but you have to mean it.

I am sorry this is where you are but it might be possible to turn things around. Of course I can't say for sure not knowing you or your husband. [/quote]

Is "graduating to crazy" the same as BPD? If so, then I agree. He must be mentally ill. Because no sane person can jekyll-and-hyde the way he does, and then also blame me for "making him" act the way he does.[/quote]

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