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[quote=Anonymous]First, cut yourself a break.  Especially if you have anxiety, you need to do this.  If you are a few minutes late for something, it is not the end of the world.  Try to do things that avoid that, of course, but once you're in that situation, it only makes it worse to beat yourself up about it.  You've got a tough row to hoe, so you just need to keep reminding yourself that you don't need to be perfect.

Second, figure out where you can build in structure to help you.  I use a timer on my phone to remind me to go home on time from work.  Otherwise I get caught up and forget.  I keep a running to-do list on my iphone.  I can check it whenever I have a spare minute, so it helps me not to forget things and it's usually there when I have that random "Oh I need to ...." thought.   Definitely put everything on your electronic calendar, with reminders and warning bells.  Check your calendar first thing when you get up.  Check it periodically throughout the day.  If you're waiting in line, stuck on metro, whatever -- check your calendar for today and the next couple of days, and check your to-do list.  Consider something like a big dry erase board for visual reminders (shopping list, daily or weekly schedule, etc) for both you and your son.  Make  checklists for him so he can take ownership over whatever he is able to (like getting ready in the morning).  Establish routines that are just short of OCD level -- for instance, I try to never leave a place without doing my "rule of 3 check" -- do I have my phone, wallet, keys?  Yup, okay.  I can go.  Your son may need his own "rule of 3" -- lunch box, backpack. water bottle or whatever.  Routines are key for us.

Figure out what your priorities are and focus on those.  For me, it was essential that my child get a health, hearty breakfast every morning, good snacks and a healthy dinner every night.  So even if we were slipping on bedtime and skipping baths, I really try to make that happen.  Other people may find that a precise bedtime every night is what is most important, and might compromise on dinner or whatever.  But just know that it's likely that on any given day, you might have to deviate from ideal in some way, so try to triage what you think is most important for both of you to function.

Also, I don't know how severe your son's ADHD is, but we started medicating right around 6, and I now don't know how we survived before then.  When I look back, it was just awful how chaotic he made everything around him.  We worked with a psychiatrist that started with an extremely low dose and we moved up from there, but even the very low dose eliminated some of the behavior that was causing us the most stress.

FInally (and maybe this should be first), make sure you're using the right behavioral modification and parenting approaches.  There are lots of books and classes out there.  These things are definitely not a "cure all" with kids with ADHD -- you can do them all perfectly and still not get the behavior you want.  But if you're not using these techniques, you're really up a creek with no paddle.  (I guess the paddle metaphor is good because even with the paddle, you're not guaranteed to get where you're going anytime fast if the current is against you....but without the paddle, it's even less likely you'll get there.)[/quote]

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